Intentional

“Foster excitement for all the joy and glory that await. To the degree that you cultivate your sense of longing of the next world, you will be able to combat the deadly and hypnotizing pull of this one.” -Levi Lusko

Last week Anthony had a procedure done on his liver to target the current cancer lesion there. We spent the night in the hospital with some pretty wonderful nurses and pretty fantastic pain meds. Now we wait until August for more scans and bloodwork and all the things.

While we wait, I pray. For many things. But one thing especially.

Intentionality. 

This is what I have been praying over our summer. That we could be intentional with our moments. That the Lord would provide meaningful opportunities, specifically with our kids.

The Lord isn’t just kind. He’s abundant and generous with his kindness to my family. I’ve seen it over and over again and it humbles me.

Anthony and I celebrate 25 years of marriage this year. Usually our extravagance in celebrating maxes out at a nice restaurant where we don’t even split our meal and maybe (maybe!) even get dessert. Oh the excess. But. This year dear friends invited us on the most epic adventure we couldn’t even imagine on our own: sailing in the Mediterranean. Italy!?! Yes please. 

We do plenty of traveling. Usually it involves missions trips to Hope Centers or cramming our family in a fifth wheel for a couple years while we adventure through the US. But Italy? Wildest dreams right there.

And then because God’s kindness valve doesn’t turn off, our entire family was gifted with a trip to Alaska. (It’s a long and beautiful story and if I know you, I can share it over a cup of coffee someday but just know, the Lord hears the secret desires of our heart. And he gives really good gifts.)

So here I am trying to pack for two completely different experiences in two completely different climates. Bear spray and sunscreen. Rain boots and flip flops. Jackets and sundresses. 

I obsessively check weather forecasts and research the best ways to see the best things and try to plan the most efficient and financially responsible ways to make the most of these once in a lifetime experiences. Italy and Alaska. What kind of amazing life do I have right now?

There will be approximately 3 hours between sunset and sunrise at our northernmost destination in Alaska and the average temperature of the Mediterranean Sea in July is 75 degrees. You absolutely must have pesto when in the Cinque Terre region of Italy because the perfect climate brings the best flavor to the basil and the mosquitos in Alaska in the summer are next level. Huge and aggressive. And at your friend’s cabin in the remote wilderness of Alaska, take a rifle anytime you go outside- even to the outhouse and also just don’t have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night. (Oh, just don’t have to use the bathroom in the middle of the night? What a great idea. Why haven’t I thought of that all these nights since birthing 5 babies?) Also, in the Dolomites of Italy, you absolutely must take a cable car up to the rocky cliffs and visit old WW1 bunkers that have been turned into rifugios serving exquisite Tyrolean food. 

I love learning all the things about all the places I will be visiting. I like to feel prepared. I also like to be excited. And yes, I’m sure there will be disappointments. Like weather and credit card statements. But I am focusing on the amazing new experiences. And my expectations are high. Super high. Likely to a very unhealthy level. I know high expectations are rarely met on this earth but that’s ok. I’m still holding out for the best.

Would we have all these opportunities if stage 4 cancer was not looming over us like the impassable dark mountain that it is? Likely not. But I’m forever grateful for the way the Lord makes our deep valley as green and lush as possible. And how he shines his light so brightly, even while the lights of this world only grow dimmer.

And so, I allow this valley to help prepare me for an even grander adventure than Alaska and Italy. One that does not have disappointments and will forever and ever exceed my expectations, not just when I arrive but for all eternity.

He has gone to prepare a place for us. And then he will return. He’s had a couple thousand years so far to perfect it. The mountain ranges of Alaska and the lakes of Italy were formed in one day of creation. And those will take my breath away. 

And then Heaven? No mind can imagine. Someday my little boy is going to take me by the hand when I arrive and show me all the places he’s explored in all these years I’ve missed him. I can’t wait. 

My packing piles around my room and my last minute Amazon orders and all the preparing of my home for house-sitters and child-watchers (btw I have the most gracious and sacrificial extended family in the whole world) make me think often of the preparation for a much grander adventure: when I’m called home to Heaven. 

Sometimes I make lists of the things that Heaven will have that earth doesn’t, or the things that will be no more. No tears? Children can play by snake dens? The streets are made of actual gold?

But that sort of joyful expectation is quickly replaced by urgency. Heaven isn’t just for me. It’s not just about all the peace and redemption I’ve so deeply longed for. 

Which brings me back to my prayer for intentionality. 

I feel like it’s pretty intentional family time exploring the Alaskan wilderness and fishing for salmon. It’s pretty intentional marriage time wandering the streets of Italy with my Italian husband. If only life could be one beautiful vacation.

The more valuable times to be intentional are in the drudgery of the daily. In drives to football practice and folding laundry. My kids may see my wonder at God’s creation when cruising in a boat to the base of a tidal glacier but they likely don’t see my love for his people when I’m circling the Costco parking lot on a Saturday afternoon. They probably feel my delight in them when we are exploring majestic national parks together but not so much when I’m making dinner in a messy kitchen after a long day.

These examples trickle out into all areas of my life and interactions with people all around me. I focus on my kids first and foremost because there is no more important calling on my life than them. 

I’m aware that intentionality means living with purpose. Always. In the mundane as well as the unexpected. In the beauty as well as the heartache. And this summer, I’m grateful for the opportunity of beauty. 

So while I pray for cooperative weather and the opportunity to see incredible wildlife and experience exceptional food, I pray more importantly that my kids long for Heaven a little bit more. That they see all these experiences and moments as mere samples of what is to come. That the God of the universe who delights in them enough to bless them with an amazing family trip also loves them so much he has prepared an incomparable place for them for all eternity. And that everything on earth points to this. 

I pray intentionality over my family. That we would breathe in the moments given to us. That we would laugh. That we would enjoy each other. That we would delight in the gift of family while delighting in the gift of experiences. That we would speak truth and live hope. That Christ may be seen in us. In our celebrating and in our suffering. May we die to ourselves a little bit more and cling to this earth a little bit less. 

The things of this earth can be so beautiful and wonderful. And yet so fleeting and so fickle. All that we long for and hope for will never be fulfilled here. 

May we set our mind on the things above, not on earthly things. 

Intentionality. May we make it count.